I believe hearts can be shaped like Valentines, or cauliflowers, or anything they feel like. I believe in waking up just on time enough to stop for coffee on the way to wherever I’m going. I believe that the only way to Nirvana is to occasionally dance at funerals. I believe crowd-surfing is a bad idea and if something is probably going to kill you, you shouldn’t do it. I believe in casual back-rubs and kindness, and kissing, and that sometimes things hurt and tea burns your tongue so you must retire to bed early and try to remember the best thing you’ve ever done. I believe you might never remember the best thing you’ve ever done, but somebody else probably does. I believe in holding doors but often forget to. Ditto to table etiquette like using all the right forks. I believe in mind-bending late night conversations regarding topics such as what’s your favorite color? I believe that I do not know my favorite color yet, and I am beginning to believe this might be okay. I believe in chivalry. I believe in feminism. I believe in finger foods and feeding slimy silver fish to the sea lions at the zoo. I believe that the only proper way to eat goldfish is by pretending to be a shark.
I believe that when poetry sticks in your brain it enacts a chemical reaction. I believe that sunflowers are superior flowers because they’re so much taller, but moreover I respect sunflowers because they don’t over-apologize for their distinctions, and I believe that’s how people should be. I believe in relativity, and chaos theory, and cellular respiration. I believe that cut-out paper snowflakes get stuck to the windows of elementary schools around the country every December by magic gusts and grass likes to belly dance and at night some walls get bored and draw graffiti on themselves. I believe that kids start holding hands in the hallway because of puberty, or alien interference. I believe that something is always on the verge of spiraling wildly out of control and all we can do to tame this force is try and keep the world hinged together with a needle and thread. I believe we have complete power but I also believe little elves are in charge of predestination and sorting out moral dilemmas and who gets to be in love with who. I believe in nothing.
My ankles believe in matching socks but my knees disagree. My toes believe all water is the same but my brain believes there’s a difference between swimming pools and sidewalk drains. I believe we don’t know nearly enough about the effects of lunar cycles, or the collective unconscious, or twin telepathy. I believe narcolepsy is almost always the most convenient excuse. I believe that people are basically selfish except when they’re not – a principle best demonstrated on the high-ways, where strangers call each other asshole regularly but sometimes tap each other’s windows to remind them their headlights are off. I believe the bookish lame-os will inherit the earth. I believe in pun warfare, and saying hi, and I might believe in ghosts.
I do not believe in horoscopes or magic 8 balls, except when I’d like to. I do not believe that cleanliness is next to godliness. I believe that cleanliness is next to soap and water which are often cozied up on the couch breathing down the neck of privilege. I believe in a fragile order of one squishy pillow and one firm. I believe that a third pillow may throw off all balance. I believe that different types of cheese can affect our dreams. I believe sometimes you just need to get a haircut because you need to, and all people need love — even genocidarians, theoretically. I believe in the over-soul, and over-coats, and overdrafting. I do not believe a word of any conniving advertisement, except subliminally. I do not believe that Lady Gaga is an actual person. I believe about three quarters of what I’m saying at any given time.